Doubt prevails

More than a month has gone by since my last blog and I have so much to record from my trip to Devon and my reading during the summer. There is no excuse for dragging my heels in this way, except for Doubt. Doubt that spending time on this project is sensible or useful. Out damned Doubt. There is no reason why I should not continue, even for my own amusement. Work has begun again, which drains my energy and my creativity. I've been frontloaded and have new courses to teach, so I am in that panic mode again. Walking that tightrope of complete fear because I have to convince a room full of people that I know what I'm talking about and make it seem fantastically interesting at the same time, while smothering myself in a veneer of self-confidence so that no-one will find out the truth. Added to all of this, I've been working on sending a dog that I rescued on the compound to the UK. She arrived yesterday and, as I knew this was meant, she has been welcomed by abnormally high temperatures for the end of September, so she will not suffer the cold and wet just yet.

I did send the letter to Mathew Prichard. I've had no reply so fear that, even if he read the letter, he thinks I'm a complete lunatic and has thrown it and my request to the rubbish bin. I don't blame him, but I am hugely disappointed. It would have been such a boost for me to have had his blessing. I knew it was too much to ask though. Look at me - a middle-aged teacher with nothing published (except research articles in academic institutions) and nothing to commend me as a possible writer. Still, that could be said of all writers when they first began so I'm going to have to pull up my socks and start believing in myself before I asking other people.

As it is, Syria continues to be out of bounds while Assad thrashes the people who dare to question his authority. Every Friday there are more deaths. I do wonder why the holiest day of the week in the Muslim religion is always the most violent.

Progress

Six weeks of vacation spent in England and Scotland have given me the opportunity to have a Christie Fest. I finally own a copy of Mrs Christie's autobiography and have read Unfinished Portrait by Mary Westmacott (Agatha Christie's pen name which she used to write books about human emotions and relationships). More on those two books in particular in a separate posting. I went to Churston Ferrers and stayed in the most excellent White Horse B&B, as well as visiting Greenway and the Churston Ferrers church. Oh my, I feel rejuvenated and excited about this project, although still reticent to contact anybody who could help me to produce something for publication. The more that I read, see and understand, the more that I feel compelled to continue with this project, whatever the outcome.

Many coincidences this summer, which I have taken as signs of encouragement - this is meant to be. For example, before my visit to Churston Ferrers, I looked up the town in the index of Mrs Christie's autobiography. There is only one actual reference and it was to do with the sponsorship of a stained glass window. Mrs Christie had a small battle to make the Good Shepherd the subject of the window as she wanted something cheerful. She won her battle. I visited the church (during a rainstorm) just to see the window, although neither window nor church are relevant to the purpose of the project. The church was my big disappointment, as the door was locked and there was no notice of how to contact someone for a key. What I discovered, while sheltering from the rain in the porch, was that the church is linked to the Christian church in the Middle East, which must be influenced by Mrs Christie.

Although my hope of at least getting a photograph of the window was thwarted, on my return home to my mother's house, where I stay during UK visits, I happened to look at the picture on my bedroom wall for the first time. It was labelled 'The Good Shepherd' and I've slept under it for years without giving the image any thought. See? Does this mean something?

On the back burner

It is so inconvenient to have to work to earn money to live. How I wish I could devote my time to what I really want to do. I wonder how many successful and would-be writers have said much the same thing. Struggling for art is normal, but most of us forget that books, music, paintings, poetry, etc don't just happen or are given to an individual on a plate.

Now that April is here again thoughts have turned to the summer and what I will do with the 8 weeks given to me as a summer vacation. When I write that I realise how fortunate I am to have that much time. I really must plan what I am going to do and do it.

There is a possibility that I will meet up with a Canadian friend in Turkey in the middle of July. Before that I'm thinking of taking an 'Introduction to Proofreading' course in London (I'm thinking of finding a way of making an income which can be done online and in any location in the world). I realise it would be ludicrous to travel back to Norfolk after the one day course, then back to Gatwick to fly to Turkey (cheapest flights to Istanbul). When I am in Turkey I can look for locations visited by Mr and Mrs Mallowan. While I am in southern England perhaps I could visit Devon, and certainly visit locations in London including the British Museum. Planning is important if I start now I can take advantage of the cheaper fares. I really must get in touch with Mrs Mallowan's grandson to see if he would give me access to any documents related to the trips to Syria. Perhaps I could visit Churston Ferrers and take a train to Gatwick from there. It's where Mrs Mallowan caught trains on many occasions, so there would be a sense of following footsteps - for whatever reason. After all, the whole point of the project is to follow her footsteps into Syria.

Useful link to visit locations in Devon: Travel through history